I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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