for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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