Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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