you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
