Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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