Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's never too late to be topless.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
