he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize