First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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