Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize