and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
