Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
