The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
