Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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