Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
