I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
ttyl tear gas
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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