I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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