I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
