Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think your dad took our porno
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
