I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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