Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
