I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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