I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
