i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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