I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
