Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
