I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
