Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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