I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize