i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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