so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize