A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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