I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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