No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
