i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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