It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
