I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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