I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
