I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
