I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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