Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
