You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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