if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
