just tell him i said nine months
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize