Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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