Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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