Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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