hotel room ftw
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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