Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
