so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
