I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
