Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
