My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
