oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
