I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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