I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
