I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
