even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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