while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
