is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize