Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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