is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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