So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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