How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
