i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
