She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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