There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
