I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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