How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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