dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
