I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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