His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
