So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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