He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
