The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
