I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
