i think my tv is drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
