i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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