I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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