i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
