my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
