Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
