butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't deserve a penis
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
