I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
