All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize