those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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