the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
