i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
