she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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