As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
