I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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