that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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