i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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