Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize