dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
