You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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