First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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