pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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