I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
