instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
