So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
