I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
