I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
whose parrot is this?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
