used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize