just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
