we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
