mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
