Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
