hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize