Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
