Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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